Failing To Succeed
This picture (John Paul Jones, Dave Grohl, and me) popped up in my facebook memories today and set me back. This was the day I knew something had to change - 2/11/2010.
Long story short: I didn’t set up my own gear and got burned. The radio station had done a promotion for two weeks where listeners were able to ask these titans of rock music any question. It was a big deal. We had a real film crew with real lights and cameras for an interview. I was in charge of audio and cutting the BS and excuses- the audio wasn’t usable so the whole promotion was ruined. And it was my fault.
I determined that night that it would never happen again. I’ll never forget going to my program director’s office and saying the audio is bad and unstable. I remember throwing up in the trashcan in the parking deck and crying the whole way home.
I knew for sure I would be fired...
The next day I got the “can you come to my office” phone call from the operations manager and learned that upper management is not equipped to handle situations like this. The manager that I met with told me that I had ruined “a once in a lifetime opportunity.” This wasn’t news to me but what was news to me was his expectation that I make it up to the station, which he droned on for about 30 minutes. He was certain that I had to make up for the “once in a lifetime opportunity.” I still am not sure how, short of reincarnation, a missed once in a lifetime opportunity can be rectified.
This situation made me aware of my impact and the fact that no matter what happens, I am on the hook for it and if we perfectly execute no one cares but mess something up, IT’S A BIG DEAL. (How many teachers feel this way every day? More on that later)
I also saw this as my time to start building my skill set to write my ticket out on my terms. I leaned in on video production since I was already neck deep in website design and knew that video was the next frontier. I spent literal days working to learn all I could about graphic design and video production. I watched podcasts while I sat in traffic, read magazines, watched any youtube video I could, and felt like I memorized Andrew Kramer’s Video Copilot.
I did a ton of things wrong, and honestly, the failures were numerous - for example: I used Adobe After Effects as the main editing software instead of Premiere Pro. I spent a lot of time explaining that “videos just take that long” to finalize - primarily because I wasn’t using the proper equipment and didn’t really know what I was doing. We would use the flip cameras to record a band performing in our studio then I would synchronize the footage (in After Effects) then cut to different shots (in AFTER EFFECTS). There were a lot of “but (this radio station) can turn a video in minutes but it takes us hours” attacks that I had to try to defend against. To say there were failures, is an understatement.
My transition to education was like most of the other major changes in my life: abrupt and unexpected. I led a course at church and one of the assistant superintendents for the county the church was in was in the course. He leaned on me to consider teaching. I shared that I was not a teacher and lied that I was happy with what I was doing. I will never forget the phone call where he asked if I would at least interview for the job just to hear them out.
I went to the interview. There was a full panel of people that I had to meet with. I felt like I was outmatched and just faking it through. Then I toured the school. I was blown away. There was a real news studio, real audio studio, edit bays, editing lab, and a ton of gear. I decided to make the leap of faith to become an educator.
That leap almost broke me… I was a part time teacher (read as Full time work: Part time pay). I started in October. I was set to teach a group of students who had not had a real teacher all year. They had a collage of substitute teachers over the previous 2 months. I also was slated to teach the first day after the October break for the students. I had no idea what I was doing. Remember: I was not a teacher. I had zero training. I showed up with over 70 power point slides and a pair of ill-fitting pants (I had to go buy pants the weekend before I started because previously I owned a pair of jeans for when I worked motorsports events and a pair of khakis that I donned for sales calls.). To say day one was a failure was an understatement. I actually had a parent schedule my first ever parent conference that afternoon…. I thought I had REALLY failed! (I ended up teaching both of their boys and have enjoyed watching them both develop into video production professionals!)
I failed a ton in my first years. We were just ahead of the live stream wave but dove in head first. I spent a lot of time apologizing for live streams that didn’t make air, coaching footage the didn’t happen, and much more. Failures were all over the place. I learned more in my first couple of years than the students did but 99% of my learning came from failures.
Fast forward a couple of years, I was selected as the Teacher of the Year for that facility. I was the department chair which was a massive honor as I taught at a career academy but the biggest honor came in 2016… That year, we produced several hundred live broadcasts. We served three high schools. We did every football game for all three schools. We also did every basketball game for all three high schools. We also did every soccer and baseball game for one of the schools. We worked with the University of Georgia to give their students opportunities to gain experience on the air. AND I taught every day… I was tired. I was teaching two first year classes and an “advanced” class (second and third year students). One afternoon in April, I was sitting at my desk. Head in hand. Just as I thought “something has to give” my phone rang. “Congrats man. That’s awesome!!” I had no idea what they were talking about. We submitted an entry for the NFHS Network program of the year in January. We were announced as finalists earlier in the spring and I knew the awards show was that day but had been so busy that I had the time for the ceremony as 6pm instead of 3pm. The program won the national program of the year. All of the failures of the past year had paid off…
But what’s it all for? The next year, I pushed just as hard. I had just as many failures. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. I found that I once again got myself in the grind of “never enough.” I forgot what was really important. I don’t know that I can tell you the name of a single student that school year.
Last June, I left the classroom. I met with my “core” students after school and told them about my plans before I made it public. In that group, I had over achievers who were going to succeed no matter my influence but I had several who almost kept me in the classroom to miss the opportunity. I felt guilty leaving them. I knew that I was their guardrails. I had shed many tears over these kids because I felt they needed me to succeed. That was a failure but they didn’t!
Today I got two texts from former students who were sharing that they completed their last high school classes and were graduating next week.
I loved my time in the classroom because I always felt like I was making a difference. These two students were my “special” ones. I saw their potential and had to chisel through their hard heads to get them to see that potential - including literally texting a picture of me with a hammer to drive my point home. The student I sent that picture to used it has the lock screen on his phone the year in order to remind him not to give up and give in
I am beyond proud of these kids and can’t wait to see what they become as they continue to find themselves. The heartbreak and vomit that it took to get these texts today was worth it for every kid that I got to work with (and still get to work with). I think I finally found the way to make up a once in a lifetime opportunity…
Your once in a lifetime opportunities are getting ready to leave your classroom for the summer, or the rest of their life. No matter what failures you experienced in your year, you have succeeded in the once in a lifetime opportunity with/for your students. Your successes may not be recognized until you hit the “something has to change” moment. The failures you are probably hanging on to aren’t as big as you are making them and you may look back to see that it was the seed for your forthcoming successes.
Congratulations on another school year and the successes you have enjoyed. Now take some time to reflect on your failures and how they are really just the stepping stones to your successes in the future.
Meet the Author, Tom White
Tom White is the Broadcast Engineer at Grady College of Journalism and Communication at the University of Georgia. Prior to that role, Tom taught at Morgan County High School and Rockdale Career Academy where he and his student produced thousands of live streams for sports, news, and community events. Tom’s program at the Rockdale Career Academy received the NFHS Network Program Of The Year in 2016 and his program at Morgan County High School received the New Program of the Year title in 2018.
Tom has been a long time contributor to many publications and is the host of Teaching to The Test Pattern Podcast.
Adam, your resident IB film teacher, wants to help your students walk the talk. How understanding the Big 4 (mise-en-scene, editing, cinematography, and sound design) can transform student analysis and filmmaking.